You Can't Clutch Your Fate

I've been thinking a lot about life lately. After all, I am in my early twenties, and it seems like the cool thing to do is to deeply contemplate our lives, where we're going, who we are and who we'll be! 


Sometimes I wonder though, if in all my contemplation, I've made life out to be a bigger deal than it really is. I am the type who has always taken life and love very seriously. I give it reverence and really believe with the depth of my soul that we must live and love with the whole of ourselves or else not do it at all. I know that sounds really serious, but it is the way I've always felt. Ever since I was little I always told myself I was going to do something big, and that there were no other options. I believed that I was put here to change the Earth, and that was that. I distinctly remember in ninth grade having a sob attack because I felt I wasn't doing enough to make the world a better place. 


I was so not normal. While most girls were sitting at home contemplating what boy would like them next  or how to get their hair a little bit straighter, I was crying with Oprah over Africa, and wishing I was there to help the kids. Now, that's not to say that I didn't also have a desire to crack the code of the opposite sex or force my wavy locks into a more acceptable upright posture, but what I am saying, is that, I guess I've always had the bigger picture in my mind...And beyond that, I've always felt like I am racing the clock before my time runs out.


I've always felt a sense of urgency in my life--That if I didn't get something done in my youth, then it would be too late.* That the opportunities would dry up, and my dreams would be no more. I guess that's why I've always pushed myself so hard. I've always been afraid that the time would slip out from under me and I would be left yearning for what could have been. I am working on abolishing that feeling because I know deep down that life is limitless, and at any given point you can change and expand your mind. I really believe life is never binding and that you can alter and add to your path as many times as you want. But sometimes while living in a town (and culture) that is so based upon youth and making your mark while you're young, it becomes difficult to break your old way of thinking. 


I know I've accomplished a lot, but at the same time, I feel there is still so much work to be done and I grow impatient and question why it hasn't happened yet. In these moments I must remind myself, that at any given point, (unless we've completely ignored every instinct, and please, don't do that!), we are exactly where we need to be in order to achieve the growth we need to further our souls. I need to know that as long as I put out the energy for what I want in my life, and keep doing so, then whatever is meant to happen will reveal itself to me in time. We cannot clutch our future. We are in constant negotiations with God and the Universe battling out over what we want vs. what we need. Why battle? Why don't we make it a conversation instead? 


Here Are Three Simple (Color Coded) Steps to Having a Fulfilling Conversation:


1) Be assertive. Know what you want, and visualize it. Put your intentions into the universe and believe in them if that is what your gut tells you. Don't be passive, actively pursue your heart's desires, and if you feel it with the whole of who you are, keep going. What you are meant to do, may not be exactly what you had in mind, but if you pursue your dreams with confidence, then something fulfilling and incredible will show up.


2)Listen. When one path seems to keep appearing in your life, it is probably there for a reason, check it out. See what happens if you start to travel that road. In the same token, if  there's something (or someone!!! Ladies! You know what I'm talking about!) you've been pursuing for a long time  and it just seems to be going no where, then either reevaluate and pick a different path (or person), or figure out a way to pursue it from a different angle. Don't beat a dead horse. I mean, honestly, I can't imagine anything more inhumane. The poor thing is already gone. Show some respect. RIPH*.


3) Look. When you see an opportunity to open a door you've been waiting to find for a long time, don't be a goon, go ahead and open it up! This takes courage. Opportunity is a double edged sword. If you see it and chose to pass it by, then you are foolish. Likewise if you take the opportunity you open yourself up for unlimited success or unlimited failure. The point is, if you fail to see it, or worse yet, see it and pass it by, you'll always wonder. The previous option is worse than any failure you could encounter. In fact, that so called "Failure," could never really be the dictionary definition of a failure, because it usually turns out to be a stepping stone leading you to your ultimate destiny. And if it works out, well, then, here are your dreams on a platter. 


I guess right now I believe in destiny and fate more than ever before. I believe in making plans, and changing them if you have to. I believe in following your heart and not listing to people who try to talk out of that most important intention. I believe in my fellow human beings. I believe in creating a space where your dreams have no option but to come true. I believe in trusting that it will all work out. I guess, as my friends The Monkeys once said, I'm a believer (but I could leave her if I tried). Anyway, all fake 60s bands aside, I thank you for reading my random stream of consciousness, and, as always, if you have any insight, I'd love to hear it. 


PS- I didn't feel like proof reading this, so please forgive my errors.


pss-
I don't know how the background got to be grey, but I am not a fan. 


<3 Lolo


Footnotes:
*Who knows, Maybe I died too early in a past life? Or maybe I've just always leaned toward the irrational? Who knows! 
*Rest in Peace Horse