Actions Speak Louder Than Words.
You may have noticed that I seem to enjoy uncovering where cliches fit into my life, and if you've noticed this, it's because it's true.
How long do we have to have someone say something to us and never truly mean it before we finally start to listen to that little voice in our head? You know, the one that has been telling that the promises they’ve been making all these years aren't true and that you should stop this endless cycle? Apparently for certain people, it takes many times.
A problem I’ve encountered in learning my lesson here has come in the form of forgiveness. I think I was forgiving in the wrong way. At a certain point if you continually stick your finger in a light bulb socket, forgive it, and stick it in again, it's not the socket's fault that it's shocking you, it's your own for never learning your lesson. The electrical socket is just doing what it knows how to do. Your show of mercy toward it doesn’t suddenly make its function different. If you are forgiving a person who has been a trap in your life for trapping you over and over again and try to befriend them once more, expecting them to be different, that’s your problem, not theirs. They, like the socket, are just doing what they know how to do.
To forgive and love someone in spite of how they may have treated you in the past is a beautiful thing. To forgive someone, love someone, and get involved with them again when they have not had a similar level of spiritual growth as you is a foolish move to make. Why are some people in our lives so hard to let go of? Sometimes I wonder if it’s really even them, or if it’s who we made them out to be. Either way, after you’ve found a certain pattern with a person to be true, to expect them to be a different person, just because you’re different is never their fault, but yours. Unless someone has shown you with their actions, repeatedly, that they are changed, their words aren’t worthy currency.
I think it also has something to do with security. It is nice to know exactly how something is going to work out. But this goes back to my blog about clutching your fate: attempting to control your own life might be safer, but it almost always inhibits growth and prevents you from the endless opportunities waiting for you if only you open up. This seems to come up quite a bit. Shockingly (sarcasm) it appears almost every negative habit we veer into as human beings inhibits us from being our best selves.
If there is someone in our lives constantly stealing our energy and inhibiting us from being our best selves because we’re constantly trying to figure them out...well, this, again, hurts us and constricts love. Real love isn’t based upon fear or mind games, it’s about trust, actions, and helping you find your way to truth. If anyone out there is in a situation or even half or a quarter of a situation with a friend, significant other or family member who continually promises to change, does for a while, and then goes back to the way they always were, do me a favor, and learn your lesson the first time.
If that person is truly changed, they won’t have to tell you they’re changed. You’ll know and you’ll feel it in your heart. If you’re meant to be in each other’s lives it will reveal itself in time--it won’t feel forced, it will feel just right.
If you still want that person to be in your life, knowing that what drove you apart before is still a part of her/him, that’s fine--but don’t be angry or resentful toward that person when they’re acting exactly the way you expect them to. At that point, it’s on you. It’s up to you to either set them free and send them peace or be with them and learn how to not be angry when they act in a fashion similar to how they always have.
Through this process, remember not to blame the other person. They are on their own path too, and for whatever reason being this way is part of it. Don’t feel the need to try to change them--if they want to change, they will do so themselves only when they’re ready and willing. Do not judge them, it’s not your job. The only person you should worry about is yourself and how to love more purely with every breath you take. This person will learn in time if they want to. In the meantime love and support them and their growth from a far, but do not compromise your position of love by trying to maintain contact if contact makes you angry, jealous or frustrated.
If you’re afraid to make new tracks, that’s good-it means there’s something at stake. But be conscious that fear isn’t real. Fear is merely something we’ve made up to help us to hold ourselves back, and thus, protect ourselves from feeling hurt. In reality, fear is what wounds our soul more deeply than any leap of faith ever could. Deep down we all know that every time we trust that voice down inside our gut that tells us where and when to move, we are rewarded--even if it is far down the road. We may not understand the struggles that have been put in our lives at each specific moment, but when we can work to rethink them, not as struggles, but rather, as opportunities to expand our consciousness and travel into the realm of the infinite, then we are blessed.
Notice the pattern of a negative relationship, refrain from engaging in it repeatedly and send them on their way with love. Pray that someday they can find their peace and do the same for you. Refrain from anything that takes you away from this. From love. It’s the only thing that’s real.
<3
Lolo
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