We Are Detroit

Hello. My Name is Lauren LoGrasso. I grew up in the suburbs of Detroit. As a kid I felt disconnected from the city, but now, in my adulthood, and ironically, after moving across the country, I feel I finally understand. I feel I am finally connected to the city. I am ride or die for Detroit. Why? Because I am Detroit. So are you. I’ll explain further in a bit, but first let me state some background: I live in Los Angeles and get to travel a lot for work, and I seem to come across a lot of people, with a lot of opinions about a place they have never visited. I am constantly being put in a position to defend Detroit. Usually I can handle it well, and move with grace, but I do get really upset when people relentlessly say bad things against Detroit like they have some sort of personal beef with the city. Somehow Detroit has become America's punching bag. I'm not naive. I understand that the city is not in a great place and that a lot of changes need to be made, but I see and feel great hope: a hope that I’m not sure you can fully understand until you visit.

What really inspired me to start writing on the subject was when I saw what Fox in Tampa Bay wrote about the  David Price trade to the Tigers last month. It made me burn. I felt personally attacked. I think I am finally starting to understand why I feel this way when I see Detroit relentlessly criticized.  I know why hearing people constantly shit all over a city that is already down over and over and over again is eating me alive. For one thing: If Detroit had a dollar for every time someone complained about or belittled it, we would never have gone bankrupt. So my first thought is, why not do something about it? If you think Detroit is terrible and you are that concerned with the way it looks, and the way people who reside there are living, then get off your ass and make a change. That’s my first thought. 

My second thought, that I mentioned earlier, is that I am Detroit and so are you. What I mean is: we all run the risk of making a few bad judgments, trusting one too many bad people who promise they will help, and, therefore, falling down a slippery slope. None of us are so powerful that we are invulnerable to demise, and, with that said, none of us are so ravaged that we are beyond repair. There is a little Detroit in all of us. It’s also the city that raised my parents, who raised me…So when you say something disparaging about it, it almost feels like you’re insulting my ailing grandmother, who has a great chance for recovery, who you've also never met. 

Which brings me to my third thought: most people who have BIG, HUGE opinions on Detroit have either 1) Never been there or 2) Never lived there/in the surrounding areas. Now if you've lived there and have a bad opinion of it, fine, that’s your experience, feel free to share. But to me, the way people talk about the city is like saying, “I’ve never tried ice cream, but I’m pretty sure every flavor is terrible, and the ice cream industry, as a whole, is going down hill.” I understand that wasn't the best comparison, but stick with me… YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE AN OPINION ABOUT SOMETHING, SOMEONE OR SOMEWHERE YOU HAVE NEVER EXPERIENCED. Period. 

So STFU, Haters... Back to writing like an adult: you can’t have an opinion about the city if you've never been there, and you CERTAINLY cannot say that the whole city is done for. Have you been to the DIA, Tigers Stadium, Slows Barbecue, Campus Martius, basically all of Midtown, Eastern Market, Corktown and Greektown, just to name a few? No, I’ll bet you haven’t. Have you seen or heard the incredible art that is being created in the city? No, again, right? How about all of the delicious restaurants and innovative business that are cropping up all over town? I guess it's probably safe to go with a final, no. Clearly it’s more fun for you to focus on ruin porn and abandoned houses. Please bear in mind, little, if any, good has ever come on focusing on destruction. 

It’s upon focusing on the positives that already exist and envisioning the good to come, that true change is made. So I beg of you, before you share your negative opinion on Detroit, don’t. Try to say something positive. Even if it’s just, “I really hope your city makes it out of this”, I promise people from the city and Metro Detroit area, alike will appreciate it. Because wouldn't you want someone to try to bandage you up instead of kicking you in the gut after you had been injured? I think so. Remember, you are Detroit, so treat the city the way you’d like to be treated.

Give Me Authenticity Or Give Me Death

Betrayal of oneself is possibly the most egregious spiritual crime. If you are willing to forsake your own soul for the sake of any seeming reward, then you have no chance whatsoever of being true to someone else. You cannot possibly see the road to happiness and fulfillment when you are focused on other's opinions and how to make your outward self more appealing. This need for outward validation is why we generally betray ourselves, right? We think: "I don't really want to do this", our intuition says, "this isn't right", but we go forth anyway, because we are worried about other's opinions and how we might look.

Why do we do this? In my own life, I have often betrayed my soul because I thought, "What will people say if I don't do this?" "Won't I be ashamed?", "Will I feel like a failure if I don't have monetary success?". The preceding questions exemplify the ego at its worst and most perilous state.

I have come to realize something: There is no greater shame than lacking the courage to follow your heart. Nothing is beneath me except being false to myself. That is far beneath me. And I hope it is beneath you too. There is no way we can possibly, respect, support, trust and love each other if we cannot do that for ourselves. All we leave this world with are our connections to each other: how we made each other feel and how well we loved. That is the only damn thing in this whole world that remains. Why take away this great spiritual gift?

I think about this in particular in regard to the feeling of shame society can bestow upon us for not having a high profile job. I really wish money didn't exist. I wish we could all be a bunch of hippies running around bartering, and focusing on following our souls. However, since it does, and since we live in a capitalistic culture we need to find a way to be validated by spiritual wealth instead of the fleeting physical wealth. 

I know that if I had taken the "Natural Track" I could have a really nice, high-paying job, sitting in an office somewhere while my soul slowly withered alway along with my self-respect and passion for life. I would rather scrape around the world for years, going from vagabond job to vagabond job that surrender my soul to an institution I don't believe in. I know I will have success in the arts I am pursuing because I am doing it with absolute integrity and soul. Passion does not even begin to describe the way I feel about the messages I put forth through singing, writing, acting and teaching. Even if I end up in a place that's different from what I envisioned, I am one hundred percent sure that if I go forth with an open, honest heart, and with respect and honor for my deepest self, I will prevail.

Give me Authenticity or give me death! Really, if you aren't real with yourself, your happiness, light and love die. So while it sounds like an extreme statement, it's actually quite true. The only way we will find our path to enlightenment and love, lies within ourselves, not in anything physical we can conceive. So I challenge you all, as I challenge myself to focus on what's within: Nourish your inner self. Respect the being you came here to be. And for God's sake, be authentic. Everyone can smell a phony coming from a mile away and it's not too attractive. I really believe all the world's deepest issues start in self betrayal, so starting today, I ask you to be faithful to your soul. I can't wait to see the positive influence your honest and trustworthy self will have on the world!

Love,

Lo :)

You can mistake a streetlamp for the moon based on perspective

Many times in my life I have viewed something that was seemingly mundane which later snowballed into a perfect metaphor for one of life’s questions that I had been pondering.

So get ready, because you’re about to get hit with a story like that, kids. Also, be warned because this blog gets kind of personal, but I figure, if I can’t share my own life with people, what kind of blogger am I? I want people to learn from my mistakes!

Anyhow, two days ago I was on my way home from play rehearsal when my travel was halted by a Stoplight. It was in this moment that I saw it: the most beautiful and beaming full moon there had been in weeks. It looked different from any moon I had ever seen; it was inspiring to say the least. Upon further examination of this perfect specimen, I realized I was not, in fact, looking at the moon, but rather, at the brilliant, beaming…light from a streetlamp.

Besides thinking that maybe I should start wearing my glasses while driving, another interesting thought hit my mind: You can mistake a streetlamp for the moon based on perspective. Because of where I was looking, at first glance, it really did seem to be the celestial figure every human has gazed upon since the beginning of time. However, upon further investigation, it was just like every other lamp on the block.

Now, this metaphor makes sense for a couple of reasons, but it made me think mostly about love. Why, you may ask? So glad you did: I have been noticing a lot of people getting divorced lately, and, conversely, a lot of people my age getting engaged and married. I think about marriage and it feels so far off to me. Perhaps that is because I can’t imagine marrying someone who didn’t truly feel like my other half, who wasn’t the moon to my earth and vice versa. It’s not only hard to conceive that you could meet that person at such a young age, but also, that you would feel the desire to get married so young. Though, I know, it DOES happen and for a few people, it makes perfect sense.

With that being said, here’s a problem I’ve noticed: I think a lot of people marry someone who they thought (or, more closely, hoped) was their moon, but in reality, was merely a street lamp.

That’s not to say that they weren’t a grade A street lamp with an amazing bulb that brought light and joy to their partner’s life, but eventually every bulb burns out, or at the very least, flickers heavily. Nobody needs a weak strobe light kind of love.

And hey! This blog is supposed to be about the wobbly Twenties, so let’s speak about it: Don’t waste your twenties (nor, any part of your life) dating the wrong person. Live passionately and with a daring panache. Move through your life, toward your dreams, swiftly and confidently. Date along the way and if you find someone you feel to be worthy of slowing down for, or better yet, running with, and if they feel the same way about you, do it! But certainly don’t do something because it’s safe, In life or in love. As my teacher Christina said once or twice in her acting class, “Safe is boring.” And Xtina was right. Risk takers are the ones with all the stories. Gamble on holding out for a love that’s worth risking it all for.

It comes down to this: Do your partner and you have a similar thesis to your life? Do you have similarities where it counts? If the answer is no, reconsider. You don’t have to be the same person by any means, in fact, it is great to date different people because you learn from them, but if you do not agree on the fundamentals, then it will never work long-term.

Many people end up marrying for the sake of marriage, not because they found a love that felt like home. For example, I recently left (on mutual terms) a five-month relationship that was over-all quite lovely and with a great guy. Now you may be saying in your head, ‘But why would you do that, it sounds like you had it good..blah blah blah..” Before you go into that, let it be known that this man and I had some deep rooted beliefs and needs that were quite divergent, unfaltering and non-negotiable. Too many people end up marrying the people that they should have dated for five months, had an amazing time with, learned a ton with and moved on from. Why do they do this? Either they are completely delusional or, more likely, because they are afraid of being alone. DON’T DO THIS.

I can tell you from experience, you can feel much lonelier with someone than without someone. I can only imagine that this is even more true in marriage; remember, we’re talking about ETERNITY here, folks. It’s not a game. It’s not about planning a fun party. It’s about finding someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. That’s a beautiful thing, that should not be rushed or forced with the wrong person, but rather, gently danced through with the right one. 

Don’t settle for a streetlamp when your moon is out there walking around waiting for you to stop getting diverted by the closer, easier-to-reach light fixtures and to suck it up and take a giant leap for man kind. Or at least, love kind. Which is man kind. I wish he had said human kind. It’s more inclusive. RIP Neil Armstrong. Tangent.

Long Story Short: To quote my friend Hannah, do not accept anything less than your ideal destiny. Love doesn’t have to be perfect, but it does have to feel like home.

And though Shakespeare Claimed the moon was “inconstant” I beg to differ. Even when we can’t see it, or when it takes a different form, it’s always there. Kind of like love. Best. Metaphor. EVER. Goodnight.

Learning to Love Your Light

You have to love yourself before you can love anyone else. What happens when you realize it’s true? Spoiler Alert: it’s a big L.O.V.E. for all! 

When I first heard this saying as a child, I thought it was ridiculous. How could this be true when it goes against the very definition of what love is? Back then I defined love as selfless acts of kindness for others. What I didn’t realize was that my definition was a side effect of love, rather than love itself.  Now it seems, the word Love, in the deepest sense, means endless goodwill toward any being or object. 

Loving yourself is simply the recognition the unique light inside of you, learning to value your light, and sharing it with the world. That is why in loving yourself, you are instantly able to love all others. When you show endless goodwill toward your unique qualities, you immediately are able to offer limitless goodwill to others. The reason for this is that you are able to perhaps see a piece of yourself in them.  Though your light may shine differently from someone else’s light, it is still a beauty that you can recognize, affiliate with, and therefore love. It may come packaged differently, but ultimately, it’s the same.

For instance, I remember thinking in middle school that I was the only one who felt awkward. When I heard people laugh in the hallway I thought it was always directed toward me. I couldn’t grasp the idea that maybe something was just funny and it wasn’t my quirky twelve year old ethnic girl self.* There was a distinct moment during my freshman year of high school when I was walking through the halls of Grosse Pointe South High and I realized: Everyone on God’s Green Earth feels awkward. To feel awkward is to be human. It was then that I began to embrace the awkward within, and in doing so, I somehow became less awkward. Once I did that, I recognized when others were feeling similarly human and was endeared to them in knowing our struggle was the same. Though their awkwardness manifested in different ways, I understood what they were going through and felt a kinship with them. In fact, when I saw these oddly human moments, I was somehow able to diffuse the awkward by embracing it and the person (and/or people) it was coming from. It’s amazing the amount of love you can feel for another human being when you realize your core is the same. 

That’s why I don’t get it when people* utter the phrase, “You just don’t understand what I’m going through!” Or even better: “No one understands me!” Okay, if we stop to think about this for even one second we will see that it is absolutely ludicrous. Not only does someone understand, I would wager to say most every human being with moderate life experience has been through some variation of what you’re feeling. Now if they have that and also love for themselves and others, then they can even experience empathy which that means they have the ability to help you cope and overcome your problem. Bada boom, bada bing, love will keep us together.*

The positive results that stem from learning to love your own soul and (as a result) to love others are limitless. We can heal the world by simply realizing how innately connected we all are. Why don’t we start today? Do I hear a new year’s resolution? Come on my babies, let’s do it!

I believe in people. Amen. 

*That was my 7^th grade cast type

*Mostly Angsty teens (me included) and Adult Children

*Copyright Barry Manilow 1975

As a Side Note: Remember loving and honoring who you are is different than ego. My favorite spiritual guide, Dr. Wayne Dyer always says, “E.G.O, that’s edging God Out,” To speak in terms that I used earlier, it is not honoring your light. It is putting a falsified, glitzed up version of your innerself on spotlight (think Toddlers and Tiaras of the soul), and screaming from the rooftops, “here I am, LOVE ME, because I DO!” The problem is, that when you’re listening to your ego, you are not loving yourself, because you are inhibiting creation and embellishing your truth. The ego is the little voice inside our head that tells us we are what we have and what we do: It’s the voice that tells us we are what others think of us. It’s anything that denies our divine nature and disables us to love on a profound level. 


When we are deeply intertwined with our ego we are too wrapped up in the image we’re creating to be interested in limitless good will--we’re too busy thinking of ways to make ourselves look better. There’s a distinct difference between ego and loving your soul, that cannot be overlooked. So do not for a moment think that to love yourself means you’re being egotistical. Again, there’s a difference between supporting your essence and supporting your image. 


Well, that was the side note! Thanks for reading! 

Loud Words Still Don't Compare to Quiet, Yet Meaningful, Actions.

Actions Speak Louder Than Words.

You may have noticed that I seem to enjoy uncovering where cliches fit into my life, and if you've noticed this, it's because it's true.

How long do we have to have someone say something to us and never truly mean it before we finally start to listen to that little voice in our head? You know, the one that has been telling that the promises they’ve been making all these years aren't true and that you should stop this endless cycle? Apparently for certain people, it takes many times.

A problem I’ve encountered in learning my lesson here has come in the form of forgiveness. I think I was forgiving in the wrong way. At a certain point if you continually stick your finger in a light bulb socket, forgive it, and stick it in again, it's not the socket's fault that it's shocking you, it's your own for never learning your lesson. The electrical socket is just doing what it knows how to do. Your show of mercy toward it doesn’t suddenly make its function different. If you are forgiving a person who has been a trap in your life for trapping you over and over again and try to befriend them once more, expecting them to be different, that’s your problem, not theirs. They, like the socket, are just doing what they know how to do.

To forgive and love someone in spite of how they may have treated you in the past is a beautiful thing. To forgive someone, love someone, and get involved with them again when they have not had a similar level of spiritual growth as you is a foolish move to make. Why are some people in our lives so hard to let go of? Sometimes I wonder if it’s really even them, or if it’s who we made them out to be. Either way, after you’ve found a certain pattern with a person to be true, to expect them to be a different person, just because you’re different is never their fault, but yours. Unless someone has shown you with their actions, repeatedly, that they are changed, their words aren’t worthy currency.

I think it also has something to do with security. It is nice to know exactly how something is going to work out. But this goes back to my blog about clutching your fate: attempting to control your own life might be safer, but it almost always inhibits growth and prevents you from the endless opportunities waiting for you if only you open up. This seems to come up quite a bit. Shockingly (sarcasm) it appears almost every negative habit we veer into as human beings inhibits us from being our best selves.

If there is someone in our lives constantly stealing our energy and inhibiting us from being our best selves because we’re constantly trying to figure them out...well, this, again, hurts us and constricts love. Real love isn’t based upon fear or mind games, it’s about trust, actions, and helping you find your way to truth. If anyone out there is in a situation or even half or a quarter of a situation with a  friend, significant other or family member who continually promises to change, does for a while, and then goes back to the way they always were, do me a favor, and learn your lesson the first time.

If that person is truly changed, they won’t have to tell you they’re changed. You’ll know and you’ll feel it in your heart. If you’re meant to be in each other’s lives it will reveal itself in time--it won’t feel forced, it will feel just right.

If you still want that person to be in your life, knowing that what drove you apart before is still a part of her/him, that’s fine--but don’t be angry or resentful toward that person when they’re acting exactly the way you expect them to. At that point, it’s on you. It’s up to you to either set them free and send them peace or be with them and learn how to not be angry when they act in a fashion similar to how they always have.

Through this process, remember not to blame the other person. They are on their own path too, and for whatever reason being this way is part of it. Don’t feel the need to try to change them--if they want to change, they will do so themselves only when they’re ready and willing. Do not judge them, it’s not your job. The only person you should worry about is yourself and how to love more purely with every breath you take. This person will learn in time if they want to. In the meantime love and support them and their growth from a far, but do not compromise your position of love by trying to maintain contact if contact makes you angry, jealous or frustrated.

If you’re afraid to make new tracks, that’s good-it means there’s something at stake. But be conscious that fear isn’t real. Fear is merely something we’ve made up to help us to hold ourselves back, and thus, protect ourselves from feeling hurt. In reality, fear is what wounds our soul more deeply than any leap of faith ever could. Deep down we all know that every time we trust that voice down inside our gut that tells us where and when to move, we are rewarded--even if it is far down the road. We may not understand the struggles that have been put in our lives at each specific moment, but when we can work to rethink them, not as struggles, but rather, as opportunities to expand our consciousness and travel into the realm of the infinite, then we are blessed.

Notice the pattern of a negative relationship, refrain from engaging in it repeatedly and send them on their way with love. Pray that someday they can find their peace and do the same for you. Refrain from anything that takes you away from this. From love. It’s the only thing that’s real.

<3

Lolo