You can mistake a streetlamp for the moon based on perspective

Many times in my life I have viewed something that was seemingly mundane which later snowballed into a perfect metaphor for one of life’s questions that I had been pondering.

So get ready, because you’re about to get hit with a story like that, kids. Also, be warned because this blog gets kind of personal, but I figure, if I can’t share my own life with people, what kind of blogger am I? I want people to learn from my mistakes!

Anyhow, two days ago I was on my way home from play rehearsal when my travel was halted by a Stoplight. It was in this moment that I saw it: the most beautiful and beaming full moon there had been in weeks. It looked different from any moon I had ever seen; it was inspiring to say the least. Upon further examination of this perfect specimen, I realized I was not, in fact, looking at the moon, but rather, at the brilliant, beaming…light from a streetlamp.

Besides thinking that maybe I should start wearing my glasses while driving, another interesting thought hit my mind: You can mistake a streetlamp for the moon based on perspective. Because of where I was looking, at first glance, it really did seem to be the celestial figure every human has gazed upon since the beginning of time. However, upon further investigation, it was just like every other lamp on the block.

Now, this metaphor makes sense for a couple of reasons, but it made me think mostly about love. Why, you may ask? So glad you did: I have been noticing a lot of people getting divorced lately, and, conversely, a lot of people my age getting engaged and married. I think about marriage and it feels so far off to me. Perhaps that is because I can’t imagine marrying someone who didn’t truly feel like my other half, who wasn’t the moon to my earth and vice versa. It’s not only hard to conceive that you could meet that person at such a young age, but also, that you would feel the desire to get married so young. Though, I know, it DOES happen and for a few people, it makes perfect sense.

With that being said, here’s a problem I’ve noticed: I think a lot of people marry someone who they thought (or, more closely, hoped) was their moon, but in reality, was merely a street lamp.

That’s not to say that they weren’t a grade A street lamp with an amazing bulb that brought light and joy to their partner’s life, but eventually every bulb burns out, or at the very least, flickers heavily. Nobody needs a weak strobe light kind of love.

And hey! This blog is supposed to be about the wobbly Twenties, so let’s speak about it: Don’t waste your twenties (nor, any part of your life) dating the wrong person. Live passionately and with a daring panache. Move through your life, toward your dreams, swiftly and confidently. Date along the way and if you find someone you feel to be worthy of slowing down for, or better yet, running with, and if they feel the same way about you, do it! But certainly don’t do something because it’s safe, In life or in love. As my teacher Christina said once or twice in her acting class, “Safe is boring.” And Xtina was right. Risk takers are the ones with all the stories. Gamble on holding out for a love that’s worth risking it all for.

It comes down to this: Do your partner and you have a similar thesis to your life? Do you have similarities where it counts? If the answer is no, reconsider. You don’t have to be the same person by any means, in fact, it is great to date different people because you learn from them, but if you do not agree on the fundamentals, then it will never work long-term.

Many people end up marrying for the sake of marriage, not because they found a love that felt like home. For example, I recently left (on mutual terms) a five-month relationship that was over-all quite lovely and with a great guy. Now you may be saying in your head, ‘But why would you do that, it sounds like you had it good..blah blah blah..” Before you go into that, let it be known that this man and I had some deep rooted beliefs and needs that were quite divergent, unfaltering and non-negotiable. Too many people end up marrying the people that they should have dated for five months, had an amazing time with, learned a ton with and moved on from. Why do they do this? Either they are completely delusional or, more likely, because they are afraid of being alone. DON’T DO THIS.

I can tell you from experience, you can feel much lonelier with someone than without someone. I can only imagine that this is even more true in marriage; remember, we’re talking about ETERNITY here, folks. It’s not a game. It’s not about planning a fun party. It’s about finding someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. That’s a beautiful thing, that should not be rushed or forced with the wrong person, but rather, gently danced through with the right one. 

Don’t settle for a streetlamp when your moon is out there walking around waiting for you to stop getting diverted by the closer, easier-to-reach light fixtures and to suck it up and take a giant leap for man kind. Or at least, love kind. Which is man kind. I wish he had said human kind. It’s more inclusive. RIP Neil Armstrong. Tangent.

Long Story Short: To quote my friend Hannah, do not accept anything less than your ideal destiny. Love doesn’t have to be perfect, but it does have to feel like home.

And though Shakespeare Claimed the moon was “inconstant” I beg to differ. Even when we can’t see it, or when it takes a different form, it’s always there. Kind of like love. Best. Metaphor. EVER. Goodnight.

Learning to Love Your Light

You have to love yourself before you can love anyone else. What happens when you realize it’s true? Spoiler Alert: it’s a big L.O.V.E. for all! 

When I first heard this saying as a child, I thought it was ridiculous. How could this be true when it goes against the very definition of what love is? Back then I defined love as selfless acts of kindness for others. What I didn’t realize was that my definition was a side effect of love, rather than love itself.  Now it seems, the word Love, in the deepest sense, means endless goodwill toward any being or object. 

Loving yourself is simply the recognition the unique light inside of you, learning to value your light, and sharing it with the world. That is why in loving yourself, you are instantly able to love all others. When you show endless goodwill toward your unique qualities, you immediately are able to offer limitless goodwill to others. The reason for this is that you are able to perhaps see a piece of yourself in them.  Though your light may shine differently from someone else’s light, it is still a beauty that you can recognize, affiliate with, and therefore love. It may come packaged differently, but ultimately, it’s the same.

For instance, I remember thinking in middle school that I was the only one who felt awkward. When I heard people laugh in the hallway I thought it was always directed toward me. I couldn’t grasp the idea that maybe something was just funny and it wasn’t my quirky twelve year old ethnic girl self.* There was a distinct moment during my freshman year of high school when I was walking through the halls of Grosse Pointe South High and I realized: Everyone on God’s Green Earth feels awkward. To feel awkward is to be human. It was then that I began to embrace the awkward within, and in doing so, I somehow became less awkward. Once I did that, I recognized when others were feeling similarly human and was endeared to them in knowing our struggle was the same. Though their awkwardness manifested in different ways, I understood what they were going through and felt a kinship with them. In fact, when I saw these oddly human moments, I was somehow able to diffuse the awkward by embracing it and the person (and/or people) it was coming from. It’s amazing the amount of love you can feel for another human being when you realize your core is the same. 

That’s why I don’t get it when people* utter the phrase, “You just don’t understand what I’m going through!” Or even better: “No one understands me!” Okay, if we stop to think about this for even one second we will see that it is absolutely ludicrous. Not only does someone understand, I would wager to say most every human being with moderate life experience has been through some variation of what you’re feeling. Now if they have that and also love for themselves and others, then they can even experience empathy which that means they have the ability to help you cope and overcome your problem. Bada boom, bada bing, love will keep us together.*

The positive results that stem from learning to love your own soul and (as a result) to love others are limitless. We can heal the world by simply realizing how innately connected we all are. Why don’t we start today? Do I hear a new year’s resolution? Come on my babies, let’s do it!

I believe in people. Amen. 

*That was my 7^th grade cast type

*Mostly Angsty teens (me included) and Adult Children

*Copyright Barry Manilow 1975

As a Side Note: Remember loving and honoring who you are is different than ego. My favorite spiritual guide, Dr. Wayne Dyer always says, “E.G.O, that’s edging God Out,” To speak in terms that I used earlier, it is not honoring your light. It is putting a falsified, glitzed up version of your innerself on spotlight (think Toddlers and Tiaras of the soul), and screaming from the rooftops, “here I am, LOVE ME, because I DO!” The problem is, that when you’re listening to your ego, you are not loving yourself, because you are inhibiting creation and embellishing your truth. The ego is the little voice inside our head that tells us we are what we have and what we do: It’s the voice that tells us we are what others think of us. It’s anything that denies our divine nature and disables us to love on a profound level. 


When we are deeply intertwined with our ego we are too wrapped up in the image we’re creating to be interested in limitless good will--we’re too busy thinking of ways to make ourselves look better. There’s a distinct difference between ego and loving your soul, that cannot be overlooked. So do not for a moment think that to love yourself means you’re being egotistical. Again, there’s a difference between supporting your essence and supporting your image. 


Well, that was the side note! Thanks for reading!