The Catcher in the Rye

There's so much going on in my life right now and so many life lessons coming at me all at once, I am having a hard time deciding which one to process first and write down for the eyes of all the web to see. So I decided, when in doubt, do nothing. At least until later tonight...and instead, I have chosen to share a quote with you from my Favorite book of all time: The Catcher in the Rye by JD Salinger:

"Anyway, I keep picturing all these little kids playing some game in this big field of rye and all. Thousands of little kids, and nobody's around - nobody big, I mean - except me. And I'm standing on the edge of some crazy cliff. What I have to do, I have to catch everybody if they start to go over the cliff - I mean if they're running and they don't look where they're going I have to come out from somewhere and catch them. That's all I do all day. I'd just be the catcher in the rye and all. I know it's crazy, but that's the only thing I'd really like to be."
- J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye, Ch. 22

Sometimes I really think that is all I want too. Just to be there to save people from falling and help back on their feet. I wish you could get paid to do that. Maybe you can?

More to come.

Love,

Lo

Love Your Enemies

I feel the big G.O.D. has been sending a lot of excellent lessons into my life disguised as challenging people. And while I truly appreciate the opportunity to expand my soul’s spiritual knowledge to such a high degree, mustering love in a situation when a person seems to be purposely acting annoying or cruel can be hard, but I know it is ultimately rewarding. Therefore, I’ve been pondering the best way to find the love in the eyes of people who seem to be completely alien, but who I know, in reality, are just an extension of my soul and every soul on this planet.

Obviously this type of love is amongst the hardest to access. It can also be the most rewarding, because your love can inspire the same in the soul of the person you are challenged by. Therefore increasing the level of understanding, positivity, and elevated thought in the world. While it is difficult, it is something I have worked toward and managed to maintain several times in my life, so I know I can do it again.

One person I’m working toward this with now is my downstairs, stage Mom, neighbor who keeps coming up and knocking on my door because she thinks I’m walking too loudly, amongst other seemingly ridiculous complaints. While when she yells like a manic psycho (which, I shouldn’t even be saying, because I’m trying to increase the love, but I’m human so I need to get in a little jab before I heal the wound), I’m tempted to start calling her names and classify her as bad, I know, deep down, that this will not get me anywhere. The only way to counteract her feelings of anger, possible hate and frustration are with feelings and actions of understanding, peace and support.

Dealing with this type of person is good because it tests one’s love for humanity: once the initial annoyance or desire to hate is trumped by compassion and love for these difficult people, you are much more able to love all people in your life. If you can muster compassion and empathy for someone who seems to be intentionally making your life harder, just think of how well we can love those who work to make our lives better.

So a good method to find your way to love is to remember that we are only reflections of one another. When we have problems with another human being, regardless of severity, it is worthy to ask what it reflects in us that we detest a part of another human so much. Why is what they are doing so upsetting? Is it because we are truly doing something wrong? What is going on in their life that they felt the need to act that way and how can I be more compassionate? Etc.

 Rarely do we question our reactions to the people in our lives; even as mature adults, it is fairly common to be ego-centric, so it is much easier to simply qualify other's actions negatively. However, sometimes if we simply examine ourselves we realize that the problem we held with that person was merely in our reaction, not their action.

Another thought to contemplate is the fact that you’ve probably made a person feel the way they are making you feel now at some point or another in your life. So you can either think back to that time when you may have done so, or engage in perspective taking to ponder why they might be acting the way they are. You could even ask them what is going on in their life and how you may have provoked them to act this way. Either way, once you recall or imagine it is easier not to hate, as you either have been, or could one day be in their shoes.

And if you are really having trouble seeing from their point of view, just remember that calling someone mean doesn’t make them nicer and sending someone hate doesn’t get you love. It is merely wasted energy. And since love breeds love, it is better to put that out there.

Here are my views. Take em or leave em. I’m still working out the details, but this is the outline. Feel free to express whatever tips you may have for me and my downstairs neighbs/any and all people like this in your life. Leave questions, too. Let’s make this a dialogue.

I leave you with this quote by Dr. Brian Weiss:

“I think that at the highest level all souls are connected. It is our illusion or grand delusion that we are individuated, or separate.”

^That explains it nicely, I think.

Love,

LO

You can mistake a streetlamp for the moon based on perspective

Many times in my life I have viewed something that was seemingly mundane which later snowballed into a perfect metaphor for one of life’s questions that I had been pondering.

So get ready, because you’re about to get hit with a story like that, kids. Also, be warned because this blog gets kind of personal, but I figure, if I can’t share my own life with people, what kind of blogger am I? I want people to learn from my mistakes!

Anyhow, two days ago I was on my way home from play rehearsal when my travel was halted by a Stoplight. It was in this moment that I saw it: the most beautiful and beaming full moon there had been in weeks. It looked different from any moon I had ever seen; it was inspiring to say the least. Upon further examination of this perfect specimen, I realized I was not, in fact, looking at the moon, but rather, at the brilliant, beaming…light from a streetlamp.

Besides thinking that maybe I should start wearing my glasses while driving, another interesting thought hit my mind: You can mistake a streetlamp for the moon based on perspective. Because of where I was looking, at first glance, it really did seem to be the celestial figure every human has gazed upon since the beginning of time. However, upon further investigation, it was just like every other lamp on the block.

Now, this metaphor makes sense for a couple of reasons, but it made me think mostly about love. Why, you may ask? So glad you did: I have been noticing a lot of people getting divorced lately, and, conversely, a lot of people my age getting engaged and married. I think about marriage and it feels so far off to me. Perhaps that is because I can’t imagine marrying someone who didn’t truly feel like my other half, who wasn’t the moon to my earth and vice versa. It’s not only hard to conceive that you could meet that person at such a young age, but also, that you would feel the desire to get married so young. Though, I know, it DOES happen and for a few people, it makes perfect sense.

With that being said, here’s a problem I’ve noticed: I think a lot of people marry someone who they thought (or, more closely, hoped) was their moon, but in reality, was merely a street lamp.

That’s not to say that they weren’t a grade A street lamp with an amazing bulb that brought light and joy to their partner’s life, but eventually every bulb burns out, or at the very least, flickers heavily. Nobody needs a weak strobe light kind of love.

And hey! This blog is supposed to be about the wobbly Twenties, so let’s speak about it: Don’t waste your twenties (nor, any part of your life) dating the wrong person. Live passionately and with a daring panache. Move through your life, toward your dreams, swiftly and confidently. Date along the way and if you find someone you feel to be worthy of slowing down for, or better yet, running with, and if they feel the same way about you, do it! But certainly don’t do something because it’s safe, In life or in love. As my teacher Christina said once or twice in her acting class, “Safe is boring.” And Xtina was right. Risk takers are the ones with all the stories. Gamble on holding out for a love that’s worth risking it all for.

It comes down to this: Do your partner and you have a similar thesis to your life? Do you have similarities where it counts? If the answer is no, reconsider. You don’t have to be the same person by any means, in fact, it is great to date different people because you learn from them, but if you do not agree on the fundamentals, then it will never work long-term.

Many people end up marrying for the sake of marriage, not because they found a love that felt like home. For example, I recently left (on mutual terms) a five-month relationship that was over-all quite lovely and with a great guy. Now you may be saying in your head, ‘But why would you do that, it sounds like you had it good..blah blah blah..” Before you go into that, let it be known that this man and I had some deep rooted beliefs and needs that were quite divergent, unfaltering and non-negotiable. Too many people end up marrying the people that they should have dated for five months, had an amazing time with, learned a ton with and moved on from. Why do they do this? Either they are completely delusional or, more likely, because they are afraid of being alone. DON’T DO THIS.

I can tell you from experience, you can feel much lonelier with someone than without someone. I can only imagine that this is even more true in marriage; remember, we’re talking about ETERNITY here, folks. It’s not a game. It’s not about planning a fun party. It’s about finding someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. That’s a beautiful thing, that should not be rushed or forced with the wrong person, but rather, gently danced through with the right one. 

Don’t settle for a streetlamp when your moon is out there walking around waiting for you to stop getting diverted by the closer, easier-to-reach light fixtures and to suck it up and take a giant leap for man kind. Or at least, love kind. Which is man kind. I wish he had said human kind. It’s more inclusive. RIP Neil Armstrong. Tangent.

Long Story Short: To quote my friend Hannah, do not accept anything less than your ideal destiny. Love doesn’t have to be perfect, but it does have to feel like home.

And though Shakespeare Claimed the moon was “inconstant” I beg to differ. Even when we can’t see it, or when it takes a different form, it’s always there. Kind of like love. Best. Metaphor. EVER. Goodnight.

Better Youself: Look At Your Life From An Objective Perspective- IT RHYMES!

Hello my babies. I wanted to share a realization/thought/philosophy I am currently working toward employing in my life. I have realized that it is pretty hard to heal your life when you’re constantly looking at it from an emotional perspective. Looking at yourself through the eyes of someone who is trying to protect you, rather than induce you to be your best self is debilitating, as it usually allows you to create excuses and stay trapped as a less evolved person. Thus, it seems, the only way to cure the problems that ail you is to view yourself from an objective position. How would a complete stranger view you if they saw a day in your life? What problems would they point out? How would they advise you to go about changing?

What caused me to think about this is how easy it seems to be for us to look at other people and pick out exactly what is halting their progress. Amongst my close friends, I am almost always a person who is gone to for advice. Why not employ what seems to be a natural ability in my own life? Not doing so would be quite foolish.

It is hard to admit what your problems are, but it’s even harder to live with them everyday. Take the time to elevate your thoughts enough to help yourself without feeling bad or making excuses about who you are. I’m about to go hippie on your ass, Fo Realz, so brace yourself: In looking at myself objectively I sometimes like to literally picture my soul lifting out of my body and looking down on myself and assessing the situation in a loving, kind, yet constructive way. You certainly don't have to do this, but whatever your normal person equivalent would be, go for it! Check yourself out! Really say, Who am I? And more importantly, Who did I come here to be? Then work toward aligning the answers of those questions.

Now I have a dear friend who is constantly overly critical of himself, especially considering the fact that he is one of the most wildly talented people I have ever met. A couple days ago I tweeted a short statement about this objective assessment being a key to living a better life, and he stated that when he looked at himself objectively, that’s when things go downhill for him. That is not objective. I think people think that being ultra/overly critical of oneself is objective, but that is more emotional than anything. Telling yourself how terrible you are, rather than how you can take steps to change, is a simple thought process, and in reality,  just another excuse. Being objective just means that you’re looking at your life at face value. Seeing it exactly as it is, outside of any expectations you may have had.

 If someone didn’t know you, and had no reason to be mean or kind to you looked at you, what would they say about your life, and how would they advise you to carry on most effectively? This is the question! It is lifting yourself from your baggage and saying, “How can I make this better with the tools and experiences I have at my disposal?” “What moves could I make that would create a most complete life?” You can’t let past baggage and fear of not being perfect get in the way of healing yourself at present. You’re a heck of a lot less perfect when you don’t even know what’s holding you back, than when you’re aware and working toward change and healing.

So try it out today—and report back and let me know how it goes! I’m working toward the same endeavor, so I’ll keep you updated.

Love,

Lo :-) 

Revelations 07/10/12

This blog is entitled, “Revelations”, because I understood, debunked and realized how to fix the source of my current early twenties angst whist writing. Writing can truly be such a spiritual experience. I suggest it to any wobbly-to-completely steady (aka any) soul in all of the universe. If you’re looking for catharsis, therapy, self-reflection and a little bit of God all in one, take a quill to paper (or, you know, fingers to a keyboard-technology, crazy), and write it out, bu. So, if you still feel like reading, maybe you can learn from my trials and tribulations and not have to make the same judgment errors about your life that I have been making about mine. The point is, 9/10 we are, at least in some way, creating our own problems by not properly engaging in self-reflection. So read on, if you dare, and remember: our perspective is always limited when we’re only looking two inches ahead. We must learn to see from above. That’s what I’m working on.  I feel like my soul has evolved years (or at least weeks) in minutes. Check it:

When I think of all the changes that have occurred in my life in the past year, it is slightly overwhelming. I feel like life has been silently slipping by me without my total consent. My days have become sand through my fingers, and I feel like there's nothing solid to hold on to. I guess this is the transition into real adulthood, as opposed to fake (aka college) adulthood.

The terrain I tread upon is constantly evolving, and my feelings toward my path are changing, too. My feelings and ideas fluctuate on a moment-to-moment basis. Something particularly jarring hit me yesterday, when I was talking to my boyfriend, and realized I don't have someone in this state that fully shares my humor. Of course, he understands it, and respects it, I mean, I knew he was a keeper when I started singing “Mama Mia” to him in a Carly Rae Jepsen voice and he was totally on board with it…But he is not necessarily one to sing it back, and quite frankly, I don’t really feel I have found many others yet who would either. And though it may seem like a trivial thing, it struck me as much more heartbreaking. I've only met a handful of people in my whole life who totally see through my eyes on humor and every other level. That’s not to say I don’t have lovely, and even soul connections, with many of the people I know in this sunny state, but maybe I don’t connect with them on the same level of hilarity as I would with, say, my friend Jont.

Though, when I think of it, the fact that I haven't met anyone who completely shares my humor could be because I haven't completely shared my humor with anyone. What a concept. Could it be that the truth isn’t that people don’t get that side of me, but rather, that I am not letting anyone in enough to share my soul with in that deep way? I think I may have solved the shrine of the silver monkey. Temple guards, be gone.

After all, in every place I've ever lived, I have been able to find at least two-to-three, people who view the world similarly to how I do, especially in the things we find to be funny. This place is no different. And when I think about it, in most of the other places I’ve dwelled, it took a good year or two to find my place with these soul friends. Sometimes I had known these people loosely, or even been in a friendship with them for a couple of years before we connected on the insane level of quirkiness I possess within my heart.

I think that I never allow myself to feel settled in the beginning simply because it's easier to go into every situation saying, "Well, if it doesn't work out, no pain, no loss, I never fully settled into that place anyway." And living in this place is no different. If I don’t fully make a commitment, then I can’t get hurt. This is the same reason I decided to go to MSU ten days before school started, and even after I decided to go I still said all the while, “I’ll probably only go here a year and then transfer.” Low and behold, going to Michigan State turned out to be one of the best, if not THE best, decision(s) I have made. Every subsequent positive event I've lived has sprung up as a result of choosing that school. By closing myself off and not fully committing to the place I’m in and the people I’m with right now, I’m shutting myself out of so many beautiful roads that I might travel.

I think I have been afraid to connect to this place, also, because I am afraid that if I make too many serious connections here, I will lose all of my roots. How Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants of me. But really, I am afraid to lose my tie to my home, my family& my friends, fearing they would all be replaced by a new home, a possible new family, and new friends. I guess I am just now realizing that no one could ever be replaced. Yes, perhaps old friends and I will vacillate between being really close, to not so close, and back to close again, but the fear of losing a bond that has already been formed is no reason not to create new bonds. Everyone has to grow, everyone has to change: it does no good for anyone when you hold yourself back from being your most evolved self.

As open of a person as I am, I can still be very closed off (in such a subtle way, that even I hardly detect it), if I think there’s any risk of having my heart shattered into a million pieces. I guess this is partially due to the fact that I am a human being, but I must say, I don’t fully understand this subconscious mentality of mine, as, for the most part, the people I’ve come across and really let into my life have been nothing short of limitless blessings.

I really do have faith that I will meet/already know many California quirkballs who I will share many funny, and also deep, times with. Beyond that, regardless of the fact that most of my favorite jokesters are 3000 miles away, it’s still a pretty miraculous thing to have the feeling that somebody gets you on such a deep level. That’s really very cool. So here I am Los Angeles, with an open heart and mind. LA, let me say it here and now: I am ready to let you in a little bit, as long as you can promise not to be a flaky twat.

Sorry, I needed to get one last LA jab in there.

Okay. Now I am ready to let you in. You beautiful, diverse, kind, quirky, city full of beautiful, diverse, kind, quirky people. Because if you can see it, then you can believe it, and as a result, your ideal world will become reality. Let us choose to see the beauty in the world. And if we are really having a hard time finding it, choose to create it. With love and laughter.

Lo

Blogging In Paradise

Recently I had the good fortune of spending some time on the beautiful Island of Kauai in Hawaii with my awesome parents. This trip was phenomenal not only because I was able to reconnect with my family, whom I miss so much, but also, because I was able to reconnect with nature, which, always brings about some revelations.

This morning before I left that Mecca of nature to return to the city of angels, I was taking a final dip in the saltwater lagoon. While I was swimming around I heard a small child say to his mother who was sitting outside of the water in the shade, “This is a once in a lifetime opportunity, you should be enjoying yourself in the water” And she said back, halfheartedly, and with a defensive overtone, “I am enjoying myself.” To me, this was a very telling metaphor.

 Now perhaps I am about to read far too deeply into this. Maybe the lady truly didn’t like getting wet and preferred to sidestep paradise in order to sit off in the shade. But my first thought was: isn’t this, sadly, how many of us lead our lives?

The beauty and the opportunity is right in front of us, waiting for us to dive, or at least dip our toes, in and we sit off to the side, lying to ourselves, saying we’re content. This is something we don’t do as children. Somehow we grow up and we decide that our lives are better off led by fear and hesitation than faith and inspiration.

Most of the time the road to our most fulfilled self isn’t that far off, but we’re simply unwilling to brave another element other than the ones we’re comfortable with. The transition, and, more deeply, the thought of the transition, from air to water is the hardest part. Once we’re submerged, we rarely want to look back to the false sense of contentment of our past.

Now Here is my challenge to you all, as well as to myself: let us skip the painful build up, and fear of transition, and commit to taking the action to be our best, most joyful selves.

Most of the time the path is much less hazy and rocky than we imagine, and it is extraordinarily freeing to release yourself of a need to feign happiness. Let us strive toward unadulterated bliss, and accept whatever lessons come our way in the meantime. And for God’s sake, if you’re in one of the most beautiful places on earth and you have the opportunity to go swimming in a magical saltwater lagoon, take it. It’s refreshing, and it might just bring about enough inspiration to change your way of living…Or at least to write a nice blog about it, or hopefully, both! ;-)

Positive thoughts and the healing power of love your way,

Lo

Nature vs. Nurture When it Comes to Reality

Sometimes I wonder: What would I think of love if no one had ever told me what love is supposed to look like? Now that is a hell of a question and one that I'm not sure I am even ready/know how to answer, at this point; nonetheless, the musing was important, as it spurned me on to think up many questions of a similar nature.

 For instance: what would I think of the capabilities of my life, had no one ever tried to disarm my innate power? Would I have any limitations had no one ever tried to convince me otherwise? Or are these limitations merely self-imposed, unaffected by outside influence?

I know I am not really breaking new ground here: the old "nature" vs. "nurture" battle has been around as long as the "chicken" or the "egg",  but still, I think it's a worthy question pattern to engage in. The reason being, is that this force of society vs. individual shows up in every area of our lives, whether we can plainly see it or not.

To understand this, we must understand the way we come to know "reality". The outside world (including society at large, friends, family, acquaintances)'s opinions and viewpoints are what create reality for us. This may sound incredibly strange at first; I know it did to me when I originally learned the concept. I first heard of this in a sociology class I took my sophomore year of college  taught by a paunchy, brilliant, old professor by the name of Jon D. Miller . He taught from a book titled, The Social Construction of Reality by  Peter L. Berger and Thomas Luckmann.

Though the books' concepts were fascinating, it was a bit of a slow read, so I'll save you the trouble and sum it up here: Reality does not truly exist, it is created. We all have a group of  "significant others"- Friends, family, teachers, etc., who create reality for us. As this group of significant others expands, so does our concept of reality or life. Every person you meet alters and expands your view of reality, conversely, the less people you meet, the more consistent and small your understanding of reality is.

Now, the depths of positive influence understanding this idea can breed, are limitless; but to name a few: more tolerance, love, and most importantly, self empowerment, can be fostered by understanding and controlling your view of what is real.

Oddly enough, the example that Professor Miller gave to explain this concept had to do with cutlery. The idea was that your parents could have feasibly told you your whole life that a spoon was called a fork, and a fork, a spoon. Then, when you entered elementary school for the first time, you would ask the hot lunch lady for a fork, when, in reality, you wanted a spoon. Upon receiving this, you would become confused and angry, wondering why this incompetent B with the hairnet gave you a "spoon" (fork) to consume your tomato soup with. Now, Jon D. Miller may have used slightly different terminology, being a distinguished, tenured professor, but it was something like that. Something so simple, yet, so mind blowing.

Anyway,...Long story short, this concept we have of reality is only something that we have been told and consented to believe is true. Over the years we have allowed people to tell us what life really is and what is practical and impractical. This includes everything. Including the limitations we have set on our own life path. In fact, I believe, most, if not all, of our limitations are merely opinions someone told us that, that we've taken to be an absolute truth.

Now here's the challenge/True question: what if we could eschew the reality forced upon us by our well meaning, but limiting, significant others, and open our lives up to all possibilities? Most of us have, or have had dreams that some would put on the scale of grandeur. Let us no longer view them as grandeur, but instead, look at them as our reality. If someone tells you otherwise, that's their understanding of reality, not yours.

 Since reality is socially constructed, anyway, who is anyone to say you can't go ahead and construct the reality you desire? It is my thought, that if we do this, we are making a verbal and visual contract with the Universe and God to help us achieve our dreams. People and opportunities will appear in your life to help you achieve your reality, because the universe desires to be in harmony with your thought pattern and will even create miracles to make it happen.

Believe your desired reality with an absolute persistence and tunnel vision--go toward it confidently until you reach it. Remember that there are no mistakes, for as the great Napoleon Hill of, Think and Grow Rich said, "Every failure brings with it the seeds of success." How true this is. If you believe and have undying persistence it's only a matter of time until you knock down all roadblocks and break through to your ideal destiny. In the meantime, you must believe it and desire it as if it were already the life you are living. Go for it, baby!

<3  Lo