Learning to Love Your Light

You have to love yourself before you can love anyone else. What happens when you realize it’s true? Spoiler Alert: it’s a big L.O.V.E. for all! 

When I first heard this saying as a child, I thought it was ridiculous. How could this be true when it goes against the very definition of what love is? Back then I defined love as selfless acts of kindness for others. What I didn’t realize was that my definition was a side effect of love, rather than love itself.  Now it seems, the word Love, in the deepest sense, means endless goodwill toward any being or object. 

Loving yourself is simply the recognition the unique light inside of you, learning to value your light, and sharing it with the world. That is why in loving yourself, you are instantly able to love all others. When you show endless goodwill toward your unique qualities, you immediately are able to offer limitless goodwill to others. The reason for this is that you are able to perhaps see a piece of yourself in them.  Though your light may shine differently from someone else’s light, it is still a beauty that you can recognize, affiliate with, and therefore love. It may come packaged differently, but ultimately, it’s the same.

For instance, I remember thinking in middle school that I was the only one who felt awkward. When I heard people laugh in the hallway I thought it was always directed toward me. I couldn’t grasp the idea that maybe something was just funny and it wasn’t my quirky twelve year old ethnic girl self.* There was a distinct moment during my freshman year of high school when I was walking through the halls of Grosse Pointe South High and I realized: Everyone on God’s Green Earth feels awkward. To feel awkward is to be human. It was then that I began to embrace the awkward within, and in doing so, I somehow became less awkward. Once I did that, I recognized when others were feeling similarly human and was endeared to them in knowing our struggle was the same. Though their awkwardness manifested in different ways, I understood what they were going through and felt a kinship with them. In fact, when I saw these oddly human moments, I was somehow able to diffuse the awkward by embracing it and the person (and/or people) it was coming from. It’s amazing the amount of love you can feel for another human being when you realize your core is the same. 

That’s why I don’t get it when people* utter the phrase, “You just don’t understand what I’m going through!” Or even better: “No one understands me!” Okay, if we stop to think about this for even one second we will see that it is absolutely ludicrous. Not only does someone understand, I would wager to say most every human being with moderate life experience has been through some variation of what you’re feeling. Now if they have that and also love for themselves and others, then they can even experience empathy which that means they have the ability to help you cope and overcome your problem. Bada boom, bada bing, love will keep us together.*

The positive results that stem from learning to love your own soul and (as a result) to love others are limitless. We can heal the world by simply realizing how innately connected we all are. Why don’t we start today? Do I hear a new year’s resolution? Come on my babies, let’s do it!

I believe in people. Amen. 

*That was my 7^th grade cast type

*Mostly Angsty teens (me included) and Adult Children

*Copyright Barry Manilow 1975

As a Side Note: Remember loving and honoring who you are is different than ego. My favorite spiritual guide, Dr. Wayne Dyer always says, “E.G.O, that’s edging God Out,” To speak in terms that I used earlier, it is not honoring your light. It is putting a falsified, glitzed up version of your innerself on spotlight (think Toddlers and Tiaras of the soul), and screaming from the rooftops, “here I am, LOVE ME, because I DO!” The problem is, that when you’re listening to your ego, you are not loving yourself, because you are inhibiting creation and embellishing your truth. The ego is the little voice inside our head that tells us we are what we have and what we do: It’s the voice that tells us we are what others think of us. It’s anything that denies our divine nature and disables us to love on a profound level. 


When we are deeply intertwined with our ego we are too wrapped up in the image we’re creating to be interested in limitless good will--we’re too busy thinking of ways to make ourselves look better. There’s a distinct difference between ego and loving your soul, that cannot be overlooked. So do not for a moment think that to love yourself means you’re being egotistical. Again, there’s a difference between supporting your essence and supporting your image. 


Well, that was the side note! Thanks for reading! 

Loud Words Still Don't Compare to Quiet, Yet Meaningful, Actions.

Actions Speak Louder Than Words.

You may have noticed that I seem to enjoy uncovering where cliches fit into my life, and if you've noticed this, it's because it's true.

How long do we have to have someone say something to us and never truly mean it before we finally start to listen to that little voice in our head? You know, the one that has been telling that the promises they’ve been making all these years aren't true and that you should stop this endless cycle? Apparently for certain people, it takes many times.

A problem I’ve encountered in learning my lesson here has come in the form of forgiveness. I think I was forgiving in the wrong way. At a certain point if you continually stick your finger in a light bulb socket, forgive it, and stick it in again, it's not the socket's fault that it's shocking you, it's your own for never learning your lesson. The electrical socket is just doing what it knows how to do. Your show of mercy toward it doesn’t suddenly make its function different. If you are forgiving a person who has been a trap in your life for trapping you over and over again and try to befriend them once more, expecting them to be different, that’s your problem, not theirs. They, like the socket, are just doing what they know how to do.

To forgive and love someone in spite of how they may have treated you in the past is a beautiful thing. To forgive someone, love someone, and get involved with them again when they have not had a similar level of spiritual growth as you is a foolish move to make. Why are some people in our lives so hard to let go of? Sometimes I wonder if it’s really even them, or if it’s who we made them out to be. Either way, after you’ve found a certain pattern with a person to be true, to expect them to be a different person, just because you’re different is never their fault, but yours. Unless someone has shown you with their actions, repeatedly, that they are changed, their words aren’t worthy currency.

I think it also has something to do with security. It is nice to know exactly how something is going to work out. But this goes back to my blog about clutching your fate: attempting to control your own life might be safer, but it almost always inhibits growth and prevents you from the endless opportunities waiting for you if only you open up. This seems to come up quite a bit. Shockingly (sarcasm) it appears almost every negative habit we veer into as human beings inhibits us from being our best selves.

If there is someone in our lives constantly stealing our energy and inhibiting us from being our best selves because we’re constantly trying to figure them out...well, this, again, hurts us and constricts love. Real love isn’t based upon fear or mind games, it’s about trust, actions, and helping you find your way to truth. If anyone out there is in a situation or even half or a quarter of a situation with a  friend, significant other or family member who continually promises to change, does for a while, and then goes back to the way they always were, do me a favor, and learn your lesson the first time.

If that person is truly changed, they won’t have to tell you they’re changed. You’ll know and you’ll feel it in your heart. If you’re meant to be in each other’s lives it will reveal itself in time--it won’t feel forced, it will feel just right.

If you still want that person to be in your life, knowing that what drove you apart before is still a part of her/him, that’s fine--but don’t be angry or resentful toward that person when they’re acting exactly the way you expect them to. At that point, it’s on you. It’s up to you to either set them free and send them peace or be with them and learn how to not be angry when they act in a fashion similar to how they always have.

Through this process, remember not to blame the other person. They are on their own path too, and for whatever reason being this way is part of it. Don’t feel the need to try to change them--if they want to change, they will do so themselves only when they’re ready and willing. Do not judge them, it’s not your job. The only person you should worry about is yourself and how to love more purely with every breath you take. This person will learn in time if they want to. In the meantime love and support them and their growth from a far, but do not compromise your position of love by trying to maintain contact if contact makes you angry, jealous or frustrated.

If you’re afraid to make new tracks, that’s good-it means there’s something at stake. But be conscious that fear isn’t real. Fear is merely something we’ve made up to help us to hold ourselves back, and thus, protect ourselves from feeling hurt. In reality, fear is what wounds our soul more deeply than any leap of faith ever could. Deep down we all know that every time we trust that voice down inside our gut that tells us where and when to move, we are rewarded--even if it is far down the road. We may not understand the struggles that have been put in our lives at each specific moment, but when we can work to rethink them, not as struggles, but rather, as opportunities to expand our consciousness and travel into the realm of the infinite, then we are blessed.

Notice the pattern of a negative relationship, refrain from engaging in it repeatedly and send them on their way with love. Pray that someday they can find their peace and do the same for you. Refrain from anything that takes you away from this. From love. It’s the only thing that’s real.

<3

Lolo