I have a confession to make: If you are talking within 10-15 feet of me, I will eavesdrop. I don't look at it as nosy, so much as, looking for insight into the human experience. And quite frankly, if you really didn't want me to hear, you would have either moved farther away or spoken in a softer voice.
So here's the deal: I am sitting at my job at the Yoga Studio minding my own business (sort of), doing my zen ambassador thing (aka, being the receptionist), when these two ladies post up on the notorious yoga studio bench and start hashing out the past 10 years of their dysfuncitonal relationships. This is fine. It's common. It's something we've seen and had modeled to us throughout the years in various Films and Television shows, namely Sex In The City. But as I sat there, I couldn't help but wonder*, isn't there an age when the bullshit ends, and we just grow the fuck up?
These women are in their forties. They have lived through a significant portion of life, and undoubtedly, relationships. Why is the conversation still the same as it was when they were sixteen?
Now this is something I am asking myself as a 24 year-old woman, but I feel if I were 44, working through the same issues, it would be a constant question ringing in my head. I have to think that if you are continually having these problems with dating and relationships, at a certain point, it comes down to the way you are picking and a lack of willingness to learn from your past experiences.
This pattern of refusing to learn from past pain is actually rude to yourself. It's saying, "Hey, self, I know you went through some really tough stuff in the relationship before this, but I am going to be a jackass to you and forget all of the hurt you went through. I am going to ignore the warning signs, and continue on, because, it's better than being alone, right?"
Wrong. No. If you haven't taken the time to sift through your past entanglements and question what there was to learn, then you shouldn't be jumping into another. The way to be a better person, to have good communication, and to choose a healthy partner, is by dissecting your past experiences and asking why.
So I guess the answer I am coming to is, no, there is no logical reason to be repeating the same dating patterns you engaged in when you were a young girl in your mid-to-late adult life (and even in your early life), unless they worked for you. Futhermore, if you keep experiencing these unpleasant courtships, then there must be some part of you that is addicted to the drama. I suggest exploring that.
But I couldn't tell those chicks what I was thinking, because they didn't even know I was listening. But they totally did. Hopefully they don't know I am blogging, though. Can I get sued for this?
Anyway, I am vowing here to learn. Because I don't want to be 40-something, sitting on a yoga bench, having some 24-year-old listen to my conversation and go home to write a blog about me. I also want to be happy. When you know better, you do better. You understand.
Alright, over and out!
<3 Lolo
*Shout to Carrie Bradshaw who said that phrase in every episode and also made the same mistakes over and over again when she should have just figured it out.
