You can mistake a streetlamp for the moon based on perspective

Many times in my life I have viewed something that was seemingly mundane which later snowballed into a perfect metaphor for one of life’s questions that I had been pondering.

So get ready, because you’re about to get hit with a story like that, kids. Also, be warned because this blog gets kind of personal, but I figure, if I can’t share my own life with people, what kind of blogger am I? I want people to learn from my mistakes!

Anyhow, two days ago I was on my way home from play rehearsal when my travel was halted by a Stoplight. It was in this moment that I saw it: the most beautiful and beaming full moon there had been in weeks. It looked different from any moon I had ever seen; it was inspiring to say the least. Upon further examination of this perfect specimen, I realized I was not, in fact, looking at the moon, but rather, at the brilliant, beaming…light from a streetlamp.

Besides thinking that maybe I should start wearing my glasses while driving, another interesting thought hit my mind: You can mistake a streetlamp for the moon based on perspective. Because of where I was looking, at first glance, it really did seem to be the celestial figure every human has gazed upon since the beginning of time. However, upon further investigation, it was just like every other lamp on the block.

Now, this metaphor makes sense for a couple of reasons, but it made me think mostly about love. Why, you may ask? So glad you did: I have been noticing a lot of people getting divorced lately, and, conversely, a lot of people my age getting engaged and married. I think about marriage and it feels so far off to me. Perhaps that is because I can’t imagine marrying someone who didn’t truly feel like my other half, who wasn’t the moon to my earth and vice versa. It’s not only hard to conceive that you could meet that person at such a young age, but also, that you would feel the desire to get married so young. Though, I know, it DOES happen and for a few people, it makes perfect sense.

With that being said, here’s a problem I’ve noticed: I think a lot of people marry someone who they thought (or, more closely, hoped) was their moon, but in reality, was merely a street lamp.

That’s not to say that they weren’t a grade A street lamp with an amazing bulb that brought light and joy to their partner’s life, but eventually every bulb burns out, or at the very least, flickers heavily. Nobody needs a weak strobe light kind of love.

And hey! This blog is supposed to be about the wobbly Twenties, so let’s speak about it: Don’t waste your twenties (nor, any part of your life) dating the wrong person. Live passionately and with a daring panache. Move through your life, toward your dreams, swiftly and confidently. Date along the way and if you find someone you feel to be worthy of slowing down for, or better yet, running with, and if they feel the same way about you, do it! But certainly don’t do something because it’s safe, In life or in love. As my teacher Christina said once or twice in her acting class, “Safe is boring.” And Xtina was right. Risk takers are the ones with all the stories. Gamble on holding out for a love that’s worth risking it all for.

It comes down to this: Do your partner and you have a similar thesis to your life? Do you have similarities where it counts? If the answer is no, reconsider. You don’t have to be the same person by any means, in fact, it is great to date different people because you learn from them, but if you do not agree on the fundamentals, then it will never work long-term.

Many people end up marrying for the sake of marriage, not because they found a love that felt like home. For example, I recently left (on mutual terms) a five-month relationship that was over-all quite lovely and with a great guy. Now you may be saying in your head, ‘But why would you do that, it sounds like you had it good..blah blah blah..” Before you go into that, let it be known that this man and I had some deep rooted beliefs and needs that were quite divergent, unfaltering and non-negotiable. Too many people end up marrying the people that they should have dated for five months, had an amazing time with, learned a ton with and moved on from. Why do they do this? Either they are completely delusional or, more likely, because they are afraid of being alone. DON’T DO THIS.

I can tell you from experience, you can feel much lonelier with someone than without someone. I can only imagine that this is even more true in marriage; remember, we’re talking about ETERNITY here, folks. It’s not a game. It’s not about planning a fun party. It’s about finding someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. That’s a beautiful thing, that should not be rushed or forced with the wrong person, but rather, gently danced through with the right one. 

Don’t settle for a streetlamp when your moon is out there walking around waiting for you to stop getting diverted by the closer, easier-to-reach light fixtures and to suck it up and take a giant leap for man kind. Or at least, love kind. Which is man kind. I wish he had said human kind. It’s more inclusive. RIP Neil Armstrong. Tangent.

Long Story Short: To quote my friend Hannah, do not accept anything less than your ideal destiny. Love doesn’t have to be perfect, but it does have to feel like home.

And though Shakespeare Claimed the moon was “inconstant” I beg to differ. Even when we can’t see it, or when it takes a different form, it’s always there. Kind of like love. Best. Metaphor. EVER. Goodnight.