Learning to Love Your Light

You have to love yourself before you can love anyone else. What happens when you realize it’s true? Spoiler Alert: it’s a big L.O.V.E. for all! 

When I first heard this saying as a child, I thought it was ridiculous. How could this be true when it goes against the very definition of what love is? Back then I defined love as selfless acts of kindness for others. What I didn’t realize was that my definition was a side effect of love, rather than love itself.  Now it seems, the word Love, in the deepest sense, means endless goodwill toward any being or object. 

Loving yourself is simply the recognition the unique light inside of you, learning to value your light, and sharing it with the world. That is why in loving yourself, you are instantly able to love all others. When you show endless goodwill toward your unique qualities, you immediately are able to offer limitless goodwill to others. The reason for this is that you are able to perhaps see a piece of yourself in them.  Though your light may shine differently from someone else’s light, it is still a beauty that you can recognize, affiliate with, and therefore love. It may come packaged differently, but ultimately, it’s the same.

For instance, I remember thinking in middle school that I was the only one who felt awkward. When I heard people laugh in the hallway I thought it was always directed toward me. I couldn’t grasp the idea that maybe something was just funny and it wasn’t my quirky twelve year old ethnic girl self.* There was a distinct moment during my freshman year of high school when I was walking through the halls of Grosse Pointe South High and I realized: Everyone on God’s Green Earth feels awkward. To feel awkward is to be human. It was then that I began to embrace the awkward within, and in doing so, I somehow became less awkward. Once I did that, I recognized when others were feeling similarly human and was endeared to them in knowing our struggle was the same. Though their awkwardness manifested in different ways, I understood what they were going through and felt a kinship with them. In fact, when I saw these oddly human moments, I was somehow able to diffuse the awkward by embracing it and the person (and/or people) it was coming from. It’s amazing the amount of love you can feel for another human being when you realize your core is the same. 

That’s why I don’t get it when people* utter the phrase, “You just don’t understand what I’m going through!” Or even better: “No one understands me!” Okay, if we stop to think about this for even one second we will see that it is absolutely ludicrous. Not only does someone understand, I would wager to say most every human being with moderate life experience has been through some variation of what you’re feeling. Now if they have that and also love for themselves and others, then they can even experience empathy which that means they have the ability to help you cope and overcome your problem. Bada boom, bada bing, love will keep us together.*

The positive results that stem from learning to love your own soul and (as a result) to love others are limitless. We can heal the world by simply realizing how innately connected we all are. Why don’t we start today? Do I hear a new year’s resolution? Come on my babies, let’s do it!

I believe in people. Amen. 

*That was my 7^th grade cast type

*Mostly Angsty teens (me included) and Adult Children

*Copyright Barry Manilow 1975

As a Side Note: Remember loving and honoring who you are is different than ego. My favorite spiritual guide, Dr. Wayne Dyer always says, “E.G.O, that’s edging God Out,” To speak in terms that I used earlier, it is not honoring your light. It is putting a falsified, glitzed up version of your innerself on spotlight (think Toddlers and Tiaras of the soul), and screaming from the rooftops, “here I am, LOVE ME, because I DO!” The problem is, that when you’re listening to your ego, you are not loving yourself, because you are inhibiting creation and embellishing your truth. The ego is the little voice inside our head that tells us we are what we have and what we do: It’s the voice that tells us we are what others think of us. It’s anything that denies our divine nature and disables us to love on a profound level. 


When we are deeply intertwined with our ego we are too wrapped up in the image we’re creating to be interested in limitless good will--we’re too busy thinking of ways to make ourselves look better. There’s a distinct difference between ego and loving your soul, that cannot be overlooked. So do not for a moment think that to love yourself means you’re being egotistical. Again, there’s a difference between supporting your essence and supporting your image. 


Well, that was the side note! Thanks for reading! 

Loud Words Still Don't Compare to Quiet, Yet Meaningful, Actions.

Actions Speak Louder Than Words.

You may have noticed that I seem to enjoy uncovering where cliches fit into my life, and if you've noticed this, it's because it's true.

How long do we have to have someone say something to us and never truly mean it before we finally start to listen to that little voice in our head? You know, the one that has been telling that the promises they’ve been making all these years aren't true and that you should stop this endless cycle? Apparently for certain people, it takes many times.

A problem I’ve encountered in learning my lesson here has come in the form of forgiveness. I think I was forgiving in the wrong way. At a certain point if you continually stick your finger in a light bulb socket, forgive it, and stick it in again, it's not the socket's fault that it's shocking you, it's your own for never learning your lesson. The electrical socket is just doing what it knows how to do. Your show of mercy toward it doesn’t suddenly make its function different. If you are forgiving a person who has been a trap in your life for trapping you over and over again and try to befriend them once more, expecting them to be different, that’s your problem, not theirs. They, like the socket, are just doing what they know how to do.

To forgive and love someone in spite of how they may have treated you in the past is a beautiful thing. To forgive someone, love someone, and get involved with them again when they have not had a similar level of spiritual growth as you is a foolish move to make. Why are some people in our lives so hard to let go of? Sometimes I wonder if it’s really even them, or if it’s who we made them out to be. Either way, after you’ve found a certain pattern with a person to be true, to expect them to be a different person, just because you’re different is never their fault, but yours. Unless someone has shown you with their actions, repeatedly, that they are changed, their words aren’t worthy currency.

I think it also has something to do with security. It is nice to know exactly how something is going to work out. But this goes back to my blog about clutching your fate: attempting to control your own life might be safer, but it almost always inhibits growth and prevents you from the endless opportunities waiting for you if only you open up. This seems to come up quite a bit. Shockingly (sarcasm) it appears almost every negative habit we veer into as human beings inhibits us from being our best selves.

If there is someone in our lives constantly stealing our energy and inhibiting us from being our best selves because we’re constantly trying to figure them out...well, this, again, hurts us and constricts love. Real love isn’t based upon fear or mind games, it’s about trust, actions, and helping you find your way to truth. If anyone out there is in a situation or even half or a quarter of a situation with a  friend, significant other or family member who continually promises to change, does for a while, and then goes back to the way they always were, do me a favor, and learn your lesson the first time.

If that person is truly changed, they won’t have to tell you they’re changed. You’ll know and you’ll feel it in your heart. If you’re meant to be in each other’s lives it will reveal itself in time--it won’t feel forced, it will feel just right.

If you still want that person to be in your life, knowing that what drove you apart before is still a part of her/him, that’s fine--but don’t be angry or resentful toward that person when they’re acting exactly the way you expect them to. At that point, it’s on you. It’s up to you to either set them free and send them peace or be with them and learn how to not be angry when they act in a fashion similar to how they always have.

Through this process, remember not to blame the other person. They are on their own path too, and for whatever reason being this way is part of it. Don’t feel the need to try to change them--if they want to change, they will do so themselves only when they’re ready and willing. Do not judge them, it’s not your job. The only person you should worry about is yourself and how to love more purely with every breath you take. This person will learn in time if they want to. In the meantime love and support them and their growth from a far, but do not compromise your position of love by trying to maintain contact if contact makes you angry, jealous or frustrated.

If you’re afraid to make new tracks, that’s good-it means there’s something at stake. But be conscious that fear isn’t real. Fear is merely something we’ve made up to help us to hold ourselves back, and thus, protect ourselves from feeling hurt. In reality, fear is what wounds our soul more deeply than any leap of faith ever could. Deep down we all know that every time we trust that voice down inside our gut that tells us where and when to move, we are rewarded--even if it is far down the road. We may not understand the struggles that have been put in our lives at each specific moment, but when we can work to rethink them, not as struggles, but rather, as opportunities to expand our consciousness and travel into the realm of the infinite, then we are blessed.

Notice the pattern of a negative relationship, refrain from engaging in it repeatedly and send them on their way with love. Pray that someday they can find their peace and do the same for you. Refrain from anything that takes you away from this. From love. It’s the only thing that’s real.

<3

Lolo

The difference between knowing, understanding and enacting

One of the hardest lessons for us to learn is the difference between knowing, understanding and enacting a concept or belief in our lives. There are many things I know to be true, but do I really take the time to understand them? Do I ever take the time and energy to enact these principals in my life? Why is it so hard for us to slow down and use the knowledge we already have?

It seems ludicrous that most humans consistently fail to let their core beliefs guide their everyday lives. But it happens everyday. People who are religious feel the need to judge, hate and scorn their fellow human beings--quite the opposite of what every great spiritual leader who ever was has taught. Those who know with the fullness of their heart that they are supposed to follow a specific passion, avoid their heart's desire every chance they get with excuses and self-made roadblocks--allowing fear to trump love. Couples or family members block out love by refusing to agree on one or two issues, when they know that if they did they could not only get along well, but also, further the growth of their soul.

I think that is the biggest consequence of ignoring knowledge, you are blocking out love, and thus, inhibiting growth. The more you know, truly know, on a spiritual level, the better able we are to love on a spiritual level. Thus, this acceptance, understanding and enacting of knowledge is extremely crucial and in avoiding it, we're avoiding feeling more deeply and being better human beings. Why in the would we want to do that? We wouldn't.

You know something? It has even been taking me a long time to write this blog. I've been avoiding my insight.  I had this statement pop into my head in the shower over three weeks ago. I have lots of great wisdom pop into my head in the shower, but that's beside the point.  I felt the need to let this pure moment of inspiration germinate for a week before I could even deal with it,  even though I felt in that instant with the water pounding against my head, that I was supposed to share it with people. I wasn't even  able to take the time to acknowledge this helpful bit of wisdom I was given* until a week later when I  realized what had happened and confessed the thought to my friend Diego. A week later I started writing this blog, but felt like I wasn't able to deal with my truth fully, yet again. Finally a week after that, I am here (started again last night and am finishing tonight) putting the final touches on my clear, precise thought that I started three weeks ago with no trouble whatsoever. This was a thought that came to me as if an angel had whispered it in my ear at the exact moment I needed to hear it, phrased in the exact way I needed to understand it, and through it all, this thought somehow seemed to be the hardest thing in the world to articulate. It seemed so hard to speak and write even though, I knew all the information I needed in order to share it. Bam, another example of this simple truth. I knew it, but I had to take the steps to understand it, and then enact it.

Here's another thought, though: What if in each moment of pure inspiration we experienced, we were able to forgo fear and share that bit of our soul with the world? How different would the world be if we let inspiration and love guide our lives instead of fear and the consequences of that destructive emotion? I challenge you all, as I challenge myself, to not sit on inspiration, but rather, let it run free. If we feel an uncontrollable desire (I mean, I am talking healthy desires here, kids--no drugs or the like!) to pursue a person, place or thing, we should give into this driving force in our life wholeheartedly.

We should have the courage to go confidently toward being our best self, and being our best self entails listening to our intuition, and obliging our heart's desires. If you know something to be true, then know it, love it, believe it and enact it. It's as simple as that. We muddy up this simple concept with fear, excuses, comfort, stability and other kinds of grubby lies that constrict growth and enable complacency. Let us take a pledge today to veer toward knowledge. Let us take on the risk, let us endure the awkwardness,let us find the love, let us enjoy the experience of fighting for what we believe in, let us engage in the lessons and let us take on the wholesome pain that leads to growth. Through these revelations we can experience pure truth and love.

Because love, as I was reminded by Dr. Brian Weiss, My Aunt, and Lady Gaga, is the only thing that's real and I'm on the road to love.

I hope ya'll are on that same road, because it is the only one that's real. That yellowbrick stuff might be catchy, but it's all a big sham! That is, unless yellowbrick is code for Love!

I hope this made some kind of wacky sense.

Love you World- Lauren:-)

*I wrote that "I was given" subconsciously. Interesting, eh? I definitely wasn't given this thought by any person, but I do believe that God and the Universe, are constantly giving us advice:-)

When I have Sung My Songs

Here are the lyrics to a beautiful song my voice teacher out in California gave me to work on:

"When I have sung my songs to you,
I’ll sing no more.
T’wld be a sacrilege to sing
at another door.
We’ve worked so hard to hold
our dreams, just you and I.
I could not share them all again,
I’d rather die
With just the thought that
I had loved so well, so true,
That I could never sing again,
except to you."

-Ernest Charles 

I will possibly speak more on these words later, but as I go through my Thursday I will definitely be filled with wonder thinking of these soul-baring lyrics. 

<3 Lo

You Can't Clutch Your Fate

I've been thinking a lot about life lately. After all, I am in my early twenties, and it seems like the cool thing to do is to deeply contemplate our lives, where we're going, who we are and who we'll be! 


Sometimes I wonder though, if in all my contemplation, I've made life out to be a bigger deal than it really is. I am the type who has always taken life and love very seriously. I give it reverence and really believe with the depth of my soul that we must live and love with the whole of ourselves or else not do it at all. I know that sounds really serious, but it is the way I've always felt. Ever since I was little I always told myself I was going to do something big, and that there were no other options. I believed that I was put here to change the Earth, and that was that. I distinctly remember in ninth grade having a sob attack because I felt I wasn't doing enough to make the world a better place. 


I was so not normal. While most girls were sitting at home contemplating what boy would like them next  or how to get their hair a little bit straighter, I was crying with Oprah over Africa, and wishing I was there to help the kids. Now, that's not to say that I didn't also have a desire to crack the code of the opposite sex or force my wavy locks into a more acceptable upright posture, but what I am saying, is that, I guess I've always had the bigger picture in my mind...And beyond that, I've always felt like I am racing the clock before my time runs out.


I've always felt a sense of urgency in my life--That if I didn't get something done in my youth, then it would be too late.* That the opportunities would dry up, and my dreams would be no more. I guess that's why I've always pushed myself so hard. I've always been afraid that the time would slip out from under me and I would be left yearning for what could have been. I am working on abolishing that feeling because I know deep down that life is limitless, and at any given point you can change and expand your mind. I really believe life is never binding and that you can alter and add to your path as many times as you want. But sometimes while living in a town (and culture) that is so based upon youth and making your mark while you're young, it becomes difficult to break your old way of thinking. 


I know I've accomplished a lot, but at the same time, I feel there is still so much work to be done and I grow impatient and question why it hasn't happened yet. In these moments I must remind myself, that at any given point, (unless we've completely ignored every instinct, and please, don't do that!), we are exactly where we need to be in order to achieve the growth we need to further our souls. I need to know that as long as I put out the energy for what I want in my life, and keep doing so, then whatever is meant to happen will reveal itself to me in time. We cannot clutch our future. We are in constant negotiations with God and the Universe battling out over what we want vs. what we need. Why battle? Why don't we make it a conversation instead? 


Here Are Three Simple (Color Coded) Steps to Having a Fulfilling Conversation:


1) Be assertive. Know what you want, and visualize it. Put your intentions into the universe and believe in them if that is what your gut tells you. Don't be passive, actively pursue your heart's desires, and if you feel it with the whole of who you are, keep going. What you are meant to do, may not be exactly what you had in mind, but if you pursue your dreams with confidence, then something fulfilling and incredible will show up.


2)Listen. When one path seems to keep appearing in your life, it is probably there for a reason, check it out. See what happens if you start to travel that road. In the same token, if  there's something (or someone!!! Ladies! You know what I'm talking about!) you've been pursuing for a long time  and it just seems to be going no where, then either reevaluate and pick a different path (or person), or figure out a way to pursue it from a different angle. Don't beat a dead horse. I mean, honestly, I can't imagine anything more inhumane. The poor thing is already gone. Show some respect. RIPH*.


3) Look. When you see an opportunity to open a door you've been waiting to find for a long time, don't be a goon, go ahead and open it up! This takes courage. Opportunity is a double edged sword. If you see it and chose to pass it by, then you are foolish. Likewise if you take the opportunity you open yourself up for unlimited success or unlimited failure. The point is, if you fail to see it, or worse yet, see it and pass it by, you'll always wonder. The previous option is worse than any failure you could encounter. In fact, that so called "Failure," could never really be the dictionary definition of a failure, because it usually turns out to be a stepping stone leading you to your ultimate destiny. And if it works out, well, then, here are your dreams on a platter. 


I guess right now I believe in destiny and fate more than ever before. I believe in making plans, and changing them if you have to. I believe in following your heart and not listing to people who try to talk out of that most important intention. I believe in my fellow human beings. I believe in creating a space where your dreams have no option but to come true. I believe in trusting that it will all work out. I guess, as my friends The Monkeys once said, I'm a believer (but I could leave her if I tried). Anyway, all fake 60s bands aside, I thank you for reading my random stream of consciousness, and, as always, if you have any insight, I'd love to hear it. 


PS- I didn't feel like proof reading this, so please forgive my errors.


pss-
I don't know how the background got to be grey, but I am not a fan. 


<3 Lolo


Footnotes:
*Who knows, Maybe I died too early in a past life? Or maybe I've just always leaned toward the irrational? Who knows! 
*Rest in Peace Horse

Linkages

Sometimes it is alarming to me how perfectly linked each of us are. I believe as human beings we are all innately connected, as we are all of the same source. Now, no matter if you believe in Science, God, or both, this idea of the innate human connection is unarguably true, and therefore, every person who walks the earth has a tie to you. Sometimes as I walk down the street I try to picture myself tied to other people: to picture a literal string going through myself to another person, to another and so forth. When we look at the world this way, it really seems as if it should be impossible to feel lonely. Like it should be impossible to ever get into irreconcilable fights with others. Like it should be impossible to not be able to find some common ground with every other human being, even if it is just the fact that we are all humans and all come from the same energy source. We all have a desire to be seen, to do something good, to love and be loved. Surely we could see that nothing human can be alien to us.

All of the aforementioned ideas should be reality. And in truth, they are. The problem is, we put up armor and all kinds of other bullshit that misconstrues the truth and blurs the linkages so deeply, that from our self-limited perspective, the linkages appear to be either broken or not there at all. I challenge all of you, as I challenge myself, to take this armor down and allow yourself to see a piece of your soul in every person you know. I charge you to do this with friends, but especially, with those you don't get along well with, or even better, with those who you deem to be your "enemies." Learn to open your heart and see a bit of yourself in that person, or those people. By doing this we eliminate fear, which, I truly believe is the root of every negative emotion and thought. By eliminating fear we eliminate hate, loneliness, jealousy and a bevy of other energy-sucking emotions, both in ourselves and others.

When we see the connections, we free the unhealthy thoughts, and we find love, which leads to peace. I really believe this ability to see the indisputable linkages between each soul we encounter is crucial to finding our path to enlightenment. Is is easy? Absolutely not. Is it less exhausting and will it lead to a more peaceful, loving life? Yes, I believe it is and will. So why not at least try to love and let love in? Because my theory is that it's there anyway.

And yes, this post is geared specifically toward The Real House Wives Of New Jersey. And YOU!

Love and Deception: Not a Soap Opera, but a Thought...

We can deceive ourselves so well when we feel so deeply. That's all.

It All Goes On

This saying is true. As I was looking at my little cousin's (actually my little third cousin, but that sounds ridiculous) pictures from Homecoming, I thought to myself, "Wow, do people really go to homecoming anymore?" As if the ritual ceased to exist just because the ritual ceased to exist for me. As if the world stopped having homecoming dances just because I had celebrated my final dance five years ago, and completed my college education. As if the idea that I am growing up was just too much for any of the almighty Gods of dance to handle, and therefore, they were forced to shut down the whole tradition. Who do I think I am?

But really, who do any of us think we are? We all have points in our lives where we expect time to stop. This was a sort of silly moment when I realized my subconscious was being haughty and dumb...But what about the moments where we are conscious of it, and allow ourselves to go on thinking that the past knew better than the present? That if we had just stayed in that one moment, that all the pain, all the disappointments*, that all of the lessons we needed to learn in order to be a more advanced soul, were foolish, and that if we could get back to that moment, then life would be smooth sailing. Well this is, of course, ridiculous. Almost as ridiculous as 'my little third cousin' sounds, but not quite...Although it would be an incredible band name.

It is ridiculous for a number of reasons, but mostly, because we, including myself, tend to always idealize the past, especially if we're optimists. I, for one, can take almost any event out of my history and paint it into the most incredible, sensational, time of my life. A time so perfect that I thought I might burst with happiness at any moment. Now, when I truly examine the time, there were waves of absolute joy, disappointment, a little sadness, anger, laughter, hope and all of the other wonderful emotions that make us human. But this Poleana effect cannot go on forever, and likewise, if you are more on the pessimistic side, the idea that you can't overcome your past to make a better self today is equally destructive.

 Either way, you end up being trapped in the person you were, rather than the person you might be. You miss out on everything that could have come out of learning and moving on. New people, places, and opportunities disappear. They are gone all because you were too busy caught up in a person, place or opportunity that should have been gone a long time ago.

If something didn't happen, maybe it wasn't supposed to happen. Or if you are really feeling torn up about something or someone and you feel you didn't make the right decision about it, then either change your decision and make it right, or find a way to gain some sort of closure. We do not gain from regret, just as we do not gain from wallowing in past success. There are more successes to come and there are better decisions waiting to be made, if only we have the confidence to drive out of range and into the unknown.

The past is a familiar friend we can always fall back on. Always. That's just it, it will always be there. You cannot take it back. The future is infinite, and though there are limitless opportunities, you'll miss out on each last one of them if you can't escape the black hole of time gone by. This is your moment, if you see an opportunity, seize the day..Don't worry about what your plan was, change it. Don't worry about what the old you would have done, because the new you is too busy making awesome decisions. If there's an opportunity for growth, take it. I'll say another cliche, but really, "If not now, when?"

With this being said, I work very hard to be a person who does not let the past take over my life: I learned a while back that if you do this, you'll never move forward. Sure, I get sentimental or caught up from time to time, but I realize that I came here (to Earth) to be progressive and create. So did you! We all did. Eventually, this moving on thing, it gets to be second nature. As someone who is just finishing school, who is on the cusp of something, only God knows what, but I know it's something, it's easy to look back and say, "Wow, that was great, if only I could go back to that..." But instead, I am altering my self-speak to say, "Wow, that was great, now I have to hold myself up to that standard and higher."

The past is infinitely beneficial, but only if we learn from it, and move on. That's my point. Really that's what this whole, semi-elegant, semi-funny, semi-gramatically-correct blog is about. And that's how I feel about that.

Over and out,

Lolo

*As a side note: I pray for the day when I can actually spell "disappointment" without writing two s's and then realizing that it looks bad because it is wrong.